From the Rabbi…

Spring 2006

Some amusing Rabbi stories for Purim: (None of these happened to me!)

A woman, a relatively new member, called me to ask me a question. In passing she said, "I would tell you how much your sermons mean to me, but I was told I was not supposed to do that."

Why not?

"Because I was told you don't like to hear praise about yourself."

"Not so. Any time you want to tell me I am doing a good job you can call me collect. Don't hold back!"

She laughed. "You mean you're human like the rest of us mortals?"

"Yes, but let's keep it a secret between us!"

 

And perfect for Purim:

It's ten o'clock at night and I am preparing my Shabbat sermon. The phone rings…

"I know it's late, but do you know where I can get a fake beard?"

I am taken aback by the question. "A what?"

"You know, a fake beard. Where can I get one?”

"How would I know. My beard is real!"

"I know yours is real rabbi. I need a fake one for Purim."

"I don't know where you can get one. I'm sorry"

"I figured you would know all about beards. Who do you think would know?"

"Well, there's always the Yellow Pages. Look under Costumes. I'm sure you'll find something there, okay?"

"Hey, that's a great idea. Thanks, sorry to bother you."

"Oh no bother at all. Any time."

I like this one:

"Rabbi, do you think I'm sort of attractive?"

What was the appropriate response? I dodged and weaved and hedged, but did not respond.

She laughed at my discomfort.

"Well if I'm attractive it's because of my mascara."

"Okay," I said waiting for the point.

"Your Yom Kippur sermon absolutely destroyed my mascara. I was to moved. I wept throughout."

"I am sorry about that."

"I am calling to ask that you not do such a good job on Yom Kippur. Kindly make your sermons dull and drab, so I can continue to look attractive. You realize you are ruining my chances of finding my beshert in shul!"

Okay, so if your mascara runneth over, I promise next year, my sermons will be dull and drab!

Talking of the High Holidays, I am fed up with these week day services, so in keeping with my idea floated two years ago, this year the Ritual Committee have decided that Rosh Hashanah and most of the other holidays in 5767 will indeed be on weekends. Therefore, Rosh Hashanah will begin FRIDAY evening September 22nd 2006. Sukkot and Shemini Atzereth/ Simchat Torah will also be on weekends. Thus you will have no excuse not to be in synagogue on these days. If you wish to comment, or if you wish to excuse yourself from shul, please contact me directly. I take full credit for this decision.

Hag Purim Sameach

Rabbi Colin
(203) 268-6940
rabbi@bnaitorahct.org